Affirming the People Around Us Creates Positive Waves of Community and Joy
By Ashley Geist, LPC-MH SupV, LPC, NCC, QMHP, M.S.Ed.
Giving an intentional, authentic compliment can become a highlight moment in someone’s day; for both the person receiving the compliment and the one offering it. We all know that our days and lives can be challenging sometimes, and we all need a little encouragement and support. Read on to explore how to be a bringer of joy to the people around you and how to receive that joy for yourself as well.
1. Practice Noticing Good Things with Authenticity
As you go through your day, practice noticing what is going well around you. For example, you might notice that your favorite restaurant is super clean and is providing friendly service. You may notice that your child’s teacher is greeting each student with a smile, or that your partner took out the trash and replenished the cheese sticks at the end of a long day. While our brains are pre-wired to notice negativity (it’s a survival mechanism), we can intentionally balance that out by deciding to also intentionally look for what’s good.
2. Focus Compliments On People’s Qualities and Efforts.
There are many ways to give a compliment, but some of the most meaningful ones center around who people are. Notice people’s unique qualities such as empathy, sense of humor, attention to detail, or creativity. Also noticing people’s efforts and unique contributions is very meaningful. Did someone make a wonderful stew? Stay late and get an important project done at work, or handle a difficult situation with grace? Tell them, you might be the only person who does.
3. Speak Up About the Good That You See.
As your practice of noticing what’s going well around you grows, start vocalizing it. Tell your server that the restaurant looks beautiful, and that you always look forward to eating there. Tell your child’s teacher that you notice the way they support each student, and it matters. Thank your partner for doing some chores that make the whole family feel better at the end of a long day.
4. Know That Your Compliment Matters.
We might look at these examples and think, these are just things people do, but what if instead of taking goodness for granted, we appreciated them? Sometimes we discount our own ability to boost someone’s spirits and think, “I bet everyone notices that person’s efforts.”, or, “My partner knows I appreciate them.” The truth is oftentimes people are not appreciated and complemented for their kindness or unique contributions. Be the person who notices and tells them.
5. Receive Compliments with Grace and Gratitude.
Part of giving a compliment is knowing that kindness might catch someone off guard. If someone does not accept your compliment or brushes it off, know that reaction is more about how they feel than you, don’t be afraid to continue sharing gratitude with other people. Also when people share a compliment with you, practice receiving it with grace and gratitude. Say, “Thank you!” and take those authentic comments in.
6. Find Joy In Giving Joy.
Last but not least, find joy in giving joy. There’s something exciting and special about being a person who affirms others and creates feelings of community and connection. Take pride in being a positive, affirming person and know that gratitude and joy will always come back to you in one way or another.
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